Carol! Your story about your 7th grade math teacher was priceless! Unfortunately, I have no similar funny stories to share. Mine are all dark & kinda creepy. I'll tell them later if at all. I know at the time it was mortifying, but just think - somewhere Mr. Math Teacher is telling someone about the time he poked his nose into a brown paper bag expecting to find some PBJ and instead finding Playtex 18-Hour.
posted by SPowers at 11:03 PM | Remember It!

Karen: "Shana, we have a place here called Curves that I'm thinking about joining with my friend Kelli. Wonder if it's anything like Shapes?" Sure could be. And don't worry about all the ultra-thins looking down on you, either. I worried about that, then I got there and realized that truly - all the women there were thinking the same thing about everyone else. True, there were some obvious hardbody-in-training types, but most of them were 'normal' women who just want to feel & look better than they do. There were some women I'd swear, if I saw them outside the gym, were 'born that way' and others who I might think (if my hormones were really jazzing me) 'do your heart a favor and put down that muffin!' BUT... the much more rational part of me knows that there isn't a single woman in that gym who can look in the mirror and judge her figure honestly, myself included. I'm sure there are women there who are slender, fit, toned, etc, who still think they're too fat in one area or another, who can't acknowledge the drastic changes that have been made in their figures, who fear relapsing. Women do horrible things to themselves in their heads. Once you realize all of them look at themselves as much worse off than they look at you, you're all set. I reserve the right to rewrite or re-explain where I'm coming from on this as I'm not sure I'm making sense any more cause I'm so tired.
posted by SPowers at 10:54 PM | Remember It!

Tina: "The end of Parenthood always makes me cry." Me too! When the little kid starts rampaging through the Snow White set and all the parents are screaming & laughing and his wife is just cracking up and first Steve Martin is angry and upset and then he's frightened because life IS like a roller-coaster and then he realizes that's not a bad thing oh GOD but the tears well up. *sniff*

Oh - and I do see other women reading while cycling, or putting a towel over the display I guess so they're not distracted. I like looking around at what's going on - either way, I'm distracted. But you recommend random, eh? Hmmm. I'll think about it. I'm still kind of scared of it, though. *gg*
posted by SPowers at 10:46 PM | Remember It!

CHRIS!! Love the roses!
posted by SPowers at 10:37 PM | Remember It!

Thanks, Deb. "2. I want to blog about having a kid that's smarter than the rest of her classmates - Jenni F's made me think about that again." Me, too. But not now. Later. *yawn & stretch*
posted by SPowers at 10:36 PM | Remember It!

Let's see... where do I begin to tell this story... the story of how wonderful a day can be?

Woke up just before 8 AM. Got dressed, had a sliced apple, grabbed my towel, lock, purse, keys and headed out for the gym. Today was my first "real" workout. I got there, got my card, dumped my stuff in my locker and checked out just what the card said about me. Hm. It's not 'good' but it's not 'bad,' either. I can deal with it.

I did my machine exercises and next time, I'll probably up the weights on most of them. I think it was all a little too easy and shouldn't the reps get harder as you approach the 15th one? Just curious. I did up the weight on the bicep push thing. I started at 30 lbs and when I was done, it didn't feel like I had done any. So I did 35. That felt better. Can NOT get the hang of the ab crunch machine, though. I can do crunches on the floor - that's easy. But having to maneuver these handles/bars, too? I felt this strain in my neck. *sigh* I think I'll ask someone next Tuesday for a tip on how to crunch AND get the bar to move (the bars move the back rest so your back stays straight).

Then I asked for help on the treadmills (I didn't want to make the same mistake I made on the cycle!) The very nice girl... umm... Gina? showed me how to set it up. She started me at 1.5 mph, 0º incline and it started. I began to walk and it was difficult. I asked her if it went slower, or if I just didn't have the hang of it. That was as slow as it went. I supposed to her that I just had to get used to the machine.

Next to me, one woman was running - full out running - on her treadmill. Another one had her incline set to at least 45º and was running backwards (the sweat was just pouring off her arms!!) and a few others were walking much faster than I. Which wasn't so terrible because I picked up the rhythm fairly quickly. So quick, I began to anticipate the machine. So I sped it up. And up. And up some more. By the end, I was doing 3 mph and really enjoying it. The step class had begun and so I got to watch it from where I was standing and listen to a mix tape of Madonna, Mariah Carey and Janet Jackson (not bad at all, except for the mercifully brief Mariah section). The treadmill is set to specific times and, remembering the cycle incident, I asked for 20 minutes. By 20 minutes, though, I was still pretty pumped. I went to the cycles!

I got a cycle with a real seat, then had to figure out how to sit in it so I was comfy and could reach the pedals. (No, it wasn't until I staggered off of it that I realized how to change the set height.) I set it up (and am now an expert in how to punch in those numbers! *g*) and went off. Manual - Level 1 (not 0 as I was on Thursday). I averaged about 75 revolutions per minute and went for 15 minutes (5 minutes over my cardio length, but I thought it was pretty decent).

Sweaty, I got my stuff and went home. It was about 10 AM. Sweet was up, he'd eaten and had taken care of a favor he was doing for a friend. (Computer-related. Sweet fixed a friend's PC in less than an hour where Best Buy wanted $300 for a couple days and they couldn't figure out what the problem was. heh heh heh. I married the right guy!) So I stripped - and he got "interested." When I took off my bra, he got really interested... knowing how sweaty I was, I invited him to 'get closer.' He did... rather, his nose did... and then he immediately agreed with me: you need a shower.

Damn - but that shower was wonderful! It was hot, steamy and divine. Too bad I'm out of Cotton Blossom shower gel. More on that later. I shaved, I shampooed, I conditioned. Yummmm..... Got dressed, made breakfast for me (bacon & eggs - very Atkins), did a load of towels, while Sweet got showered & dressed. By noon we were out the door, taking his car to get the oil changed and then walking down a strip mall. We went into Sports Authority looking for Muscle & Fitness - Hers but didn't find it, and workout clothes, but didn't buy any. I was also going to check out some discount stores (Wal-Mart, K-Mart - even Sears was on my list), so I was under no pressure to pay $30 for an Everlast sports bra.

We walked to Best Buy where we shopped for PC desks, DVD players, shredders and printers. We bought nothing. We walked by Ross and Sweet suggested we check there for some workout stuff for me. We ended up buying a bra-top and two workout shorts. We walked to Staples and shopped for desks and may have found one. By that time, I was hungry again and needed caffeine. Yes, I'm addicted. Why do you ask? So we walked to Atlanta Bread Company for a sandwich (roast beef on French bread, he had a Greek salad). Yummm! We picked up his car and drove home. I changed back into my New Balance shoes (my Keds just ain't cutting it for long-term walking support) and we went back into the fray! It was 3 pm. By this time, normally, we're getting dressed and deciding what to do for the day.

We headed to the mall (across the street from the strip mall, btw). We had some business at Mayor's jewelry store (Sweet has a watch in need of repair) and headed toward Sears. There, he got some necessary "unmentionables" and I checked out the sports bras. I ended up buying three more (two were on sale) and a regular bra. On the way out, we passed a Crystal Springs water service kiosk and we stopped. After 10 minutes or so, we signed up for regular water service (I have it at work, though with Zephyrhills and he drinks only water now and our tap water sux - ask anyone who lives here - things float in it. I only use it to wash, never to cook) so this will probably work out for us. It will arrive Tuesday morning before I go to work. It's a countertop model that takes 3 or 5 gallon jugs and gives hot or cold water (instant tea and cocoa! woo-hoo!) and won't take up much room at all, really. That done, we headed for Bath & Body Works, hunting up more Cotton Blossom shower gel (I did say I'd say more on this!). Sadly, the store was OUT of it and had been for some time. ACK! I love this smell - it's like fresh sheets. It's not too flowery or too citrusy at all. I love it. Sweet loves it. I want my gel! If anyone has access to any, I will pay to have it shipped. I am serious. Email me. Please. Thank you. I ended up buying the 'cream' type which I've never tried, but at least it's Cotton Blossom.

Then we went to Publix (where shopping is a pleasure) and checked out the low-carb food bars for Sweet. He got a box and some cappucino flavored drinks in little faux milk jugs. I looked for the mag again, but nada. I'm still looking, though!

We went home - it was 5:30 PM. Sweet made 'appetizers' - sliced cheese while I put some of our purchases away. I collapsed on the bed for 3 minutes, then forced myself to keep moving. Last thing I want is to cramp up, you know? We cleaned off the kitchen table and I set it for dinner. Sweet had begun to season the meat we were having and.... he volunteered... and did it without complaint... to grill it!! woo-hoooooo!! It was so tasty. I had chilled a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon we'd been given at Christmas, made up a bag-salad and sat on the sofa while he cooked. He called me for help with a roach (it was on the patio). I swept it into the grass. I don't kill them until they come inside. It's a moral question. Like how you can kill someone who enters your house but not if they're leaving or hanging out in your yard or walking up the driveway to ask directions to a nearby party? That's how it is for me.

Dinner was yummy. The wine was tasty - though Sweet didn't care for it too much. I had my half potato left over from last night's experiment (boneless chicken in a skillet with butter until done; topped with tomato and onion sauteed in olive oil & jazzed up with spices - I think it needs actual chopped garlic, though). I set the satellite dish to the 'Light Classical' station and we had a wonderful dinner, too!

To top it all off.... after dinner, he rubbed my feet!! (They were SO sore!) But even better - we had perfect weather the entire day. When I was exercising, it was in the 60s. The high reached 80 and now it's dropping back down. I drove with the car windows down. It was bliss. All day long. Windows open, sunshine, fresh air, breezes. THIS is why I love living in Florida. For days like today.

I'm hoping next Saturday is just as good, if not so 'running around.' Will I be sore tomorrow? Probably. My goal tomorrow is to get a story ready for submission, clean the kitchen and do the laundry. Sweet has to go in to work in the morning (systems are being migrated) so I can sleep in. TV should be good (February sweeps usually are) and I'm looking forward to some sloth.

And now that I've said all that, I'm going to blog-hop. Ta!
posted by SPowers at 10:19 PM | Remember It!

Holy guacamole, Cathy! That's no way to meet red-haired firemen! They have stations, you know - these little converted garages where they congregate - you can always drop by and check out the place. Take them some cookies or brownies or something. These are mostly men. They don't tend to bake all *that* much. Tell them you're doing research for a book and ask them some questions like... "Is it true you can tell how good a fireman is at his job by how many quarters you can bounce off his bare ass? Care to prove it?" And things like that. The *worst* way to meet a fireman is (pardon the pun) by accident.

Jeez. I'm glad to read you're feeling better. Oh - my Sweet Husband was in a similar-sounding accident in November (except it was his fault and his car was still somewhat drivable after) and he had seatbelt-related pain for a couple weeks. My brother (the firefighter in Georgia) said it can last that long easily and that cold temps will exacerbate the situation. Sorry. Take Deb's advice and soak in a hot steamy tub. Dream of redheads.
posted by SPowers at 12:50 PM | Remember It!

Sue asked: Would you return the money if you found it? I would. I'm too honest. One of Sweet Husband's co-workers' wives has a membership at Shapes. So do about a half dozen others (wives & female employees). They all claimed to be each other's half sister so they could get a cheaper rate (some family special or something). Anyway, one of them offered me (through Sweet) to be their half sister so I could renegotiate my contract. Sweet already told them I wouldn't - I'm too honest for even that much deceit. There's no way I could keep bank money found that way. Or pretty much any way. It wouldn't be 'mine' enough.
posted by SPowers at 7:05 AM | Remember It!

Cadbury Creme Eggs!! because when Easter's gone, they're gone.

Oh gods... what decadence! (I love them, too.)
posted by SPowers at 9:47 PM | Remember It!

Had my orientation with Olga. Yes, she's Russian - or at least Slavic in origin. Her last name is Slavic, too and she speaks with a fairly decent accent. Ja. Still, she had an amazingly toned figure. *sigh* I could be like her... right?

Impressions of the club: Oddly, it seemed self-segregated. The white and Hispanic women did their routines in the main floor/gym area, or took part in the classes. The more obviously African-American women attended the classes in the pool. Or at least, 3 of them did. And this was only based on tonight's class. Still, it'll be interesting to see what happens on Saturday, when I return. Yes. I still plan to return!

My weight machine workout is supposed to take me 30 minutes and then I'm supposed to cycle or treadmill for another 30 minutes. So after my orientation mini-workout (to get used to the machines, etc.) I was sent to the cycles. I picked a bike near the TV (thank goddess for closed-captioning) and tried to figure out that machine (thank goddess for fairly clear instructions) and pedaled my heart out.

I pedaled and pedaled and pedaled, watched a bit of the TV and then checked my time.

I had pedaled for 1 minute 30 seconds.

I took a drink of water. I love you, Zephyrhills.

At 4 minutes I felt myself getting sweaty. Good thing I had my towel.

At 5 minutes I checked the woman next to me with the blase expression on her face. She was going on 35 minutes. I wanted to stop. I pedaled on.

I tried to concentrate on whatever entertainment/news program was on but QVC doesn't interest me (Tampa's the HQ of HSN). I tried to pay attention to the cycle class going on in the main exercise room. They were playing Irish music. It was nice. They were pedaling much faster than I.

At 10 minutes, I was starting to rethink my strategy. Why oh why did I just pick the random option? True, I chose the easy level, but I still didn't just pick 'manual.' Hmm... I wondered if that was just 'straight cycling' and would that be better? Maybe I should have chosen to treadmill instead. Next time, I'll walk for 30 minutes. I think I can do that, can't I? It'd be like walking in a mall but without the screaming kids. Right?

I watched my 'revolutions per minute' counter and wondered what the flashing lights meant. The ones by "100" and "80." I was doing around 60-65. Is this slow? I had a feeling it was slow. If this were a real bike, all the kids in their Big Wheels would be passing me by. Grannies with emphysema blazing past. I pedaled harder.

The instrument control panel was neat to watch. It showed hills and plateaus and stuff and I realized it was making it harder to pedal when I approached a 'hill.' I tried to coast.

I leaned forward on the bars. I rode 'no hands.' I mopped my brow. I drank most of my water. I got very bored with celebrities' problems. At 15 minutes, I coasted longer. I didn't realize the machine would stop if I stopped pedaling. Uh-oh.

But it felt good.

But I was supposed to go 30 minutes. So I pedaled on. As my calves protested, my "inner butt" becoming more sore (damned bicycle seats!) and my enthusiasm flagged, I stopped again. I had gone another minute. Maybe more.

I promised myself I'd stop at 20 minutes total. I'd work up to 30 minutes and try really really hard on Saturday to walk 30 minutes. Then I'd alternate. It'd be fine. Right? I hope so. I'm not sure I technically made it to 20 minutes, but I did stop.

It was a little difficult to get off the bike. I'm short, you see. Short legs, anyway. I got my stuff and headed home. I still got home before Sweet Husband, but he arrived shortly after me and we made dinner together. I was hungry after my steak, though. One steak usually fills me up, but I needed something more. I felt a little like I was undoing the good I had done, that my body was already planning ways to subvert my intentions. Sneaky little bitch.

Still - I'm going back on Saturday!! I must. I have to. I want to feel better again. I want to know what I'll look like when I weigh 120 (or so). Since I've never had kids, I shouldn't have that typical problem of that little 'pooch' of an abdomen. I should be able to get flat. Right? It'll be an interesting experiment, anyway. I figure in 2 years or so I'll be much closer to figuring it all out. I'm not unrealistically pursuing this goal. I know it'll be a long time before I notice any major change. Maybe even any minor change. Me notice, not Sweet Husband or anyone else. Me. I'm not doing this for anyone else.

Of course, Sweet Husband asked me if my exercising meant I'd be on top more often. I told him that anything was possible. I mean that sincerely. I did not say 'probable.' He then asked me if I'd be twirling around on top, flipping over backwards, pushing him up against a wall... he's sweet. And quite supportive. Even though I spent $55 on New Balance cross-trainers today. (They're so pretty! I love new sneakers. All white and clean and neat.)

Naturally, this entire experience will find its way into a fanfic. I have already mentioned that Trixie & Honey work out. You got to be in shape if you're going to spend your life chasing down criminals, right? So all this sweat and stinky underarms will be good for something!

So it shall be written... so it shall be done.
posted by SPowers at 9:39 PM | Remember It!

Okay - I have news.

First, thanks to everyone who emailed or posted or called me with suggestions for improving my health. You guys are wonderful. :-)

Second, I joined a health club last night. Yes. Yes, I did.

I joined Shapes. It's a women's-only gym. They have all sorts of classes, equipment, personal trainers, a pool, a hot tub, a dry sauna, locker rooms & stuff and it's all women only. I meet my trainer "Olga" on Thursday at 6:30 pm. Oh -and they do have those cycle classes Deb's so addicted to. *g*

I realized that the times I felt healthiest and most energetic were in high school when I took an after-school aerobics class, and two years ago when I went swing-dancing every Saturday night and had a swing class every Wednesday. I enjoy the music, the movement, even the sweating - I hate jogging, though, so that was always out as an option (despite the cost). Oh -and the cost was a factor for Sweet Husband. He looked at the entire year by year cost instead of the potential hour by hour cost (okay, I signed a contract; but the only place that offers month by month is a huge meet market that is jam-packed every night at the time I'd be using it, too - this Shapes is the lowest volume gym in the area for this chain, so there's rarely a wait for equipment or trouble getting into a class). I figure, if I work it right, it could only end up costing me 50¢ an hour or less! (heh heh heh) Okay - it'll most likely come out to $2 or so an hour, at least to start, but that's not bad! That aerobics class I took all those years ago was $5 an hour session depending on if we had enough people in the class, and the swing club was often $7 or $8 a night per person and lessons were another $10 a lesson per couple, so this is comparatively a better deal. Right? Right.

I'm nervous, though. I have this fear that Olga will train me and I'll never see her again. That no one will like me. No one will talk to me except to say in some nasty horrid voice, "You're doing it wrong!!!" or "You didn't reserve this machine - it's mine!" even though machines are first-come, first-served.

Or am I being unreasonably paranoid?
posted by SPowers at 9:33 AM | Remember It!

"Blog this" hm? We'll see if it works....
posted by SPowers at 9:20 AM | Remember It!

You know. It'd be so much nicer if things posted when I wanted them to post and not days later.
posted by SPowers at 9:22 AM | Remember It!

So far... so good. He's downstairs in the kitchen and I hear pots/pans noises. He also shooed me out of there saying he had some 'fuzzy things' to take care of, but he promised to tell me after what it was about.

Today, he had to go in early to work, and since I had some Costco coupons, we went together (Costco's right by his office on the other side of the county). In Costco, we had BREAKFAST! It was great. I've never been on an early Sunday morning before. All the food stations were up. We had Philly cheesesteaks, beef stew, cookies, carrot cheesecake, mashed potatoes, cheeseburgers, and some barbecue stuff. Of course, they were all in those cute paper ramekins.

We ended up with assorted cookies, a three-pack of Clorox clean-ups and 36 rolls of toilet paper. I suggested we get a gallon of cooking oil, too, and REALLY make the check-out kid wonder!

Then we headed over to a health food grocery store... and that's when my troubles began. The health food store owner (Abbey) and Sweet Husband got into a discussion on diets. See, 2 years ago, the both of us went on the Atkins diet for six months. I lost 50 pounds, he lost 30. We were also dancing once a week. We've started to put back some weight (he more than me) so we're thinking of going back on it. However... I'm worried I'm not getting enough vitamins and I hate the thought of having to get that kind of thing from a pill. I mean, what's the purpose of swallowing some pills that may or may not really help you (I'm thinking of the absorption & utilization rates, which can and do vary from brand to brand) when getting that stuff from the foods you eat always works? However, Atkins disallows all grains, most fruits & vegetables. So I was stuck. I want to get healthier, but I don't feel I can do that on the Atkins.

So I've been looking at diabetic-friendly foods - which are basically Atkins type stuff. That is, no sugar (or use of sugar subs) and different kinds of flour for breads & stuff. So - this Abbey person comes over and starts going on about the "Blood Type Diet" and how that is so much better & saner & easier than the Atkins, she's on it and she loves it. So... tell us about it, Abbey!

It goes by your blood type (A, B, O, AB) and you can only eat the foods your blood type can handle. (It has something to do with your inherent body chemistry.) Turns out a A-type person should probably just go vegetarian. The only meats an A person can eat are chicken, turkey and fish (and only some kinds of fish). I don't crave fish. I eat turkey once a year. Chicken can only get you so far, but... Sweet Husband is a B-type. B-types can't eat chicken. Red meat is wonderful. No chicken.

How the hell are we supposed to buy groceries if we can't eat the same things? This is one reason we both went on Atkins - ease of shopping and no flaunting 'forbidden' foods at each other. It was a team-building exercise. This will not be, if we can't eat the same things.

We got the lists of good/neutral/bad foods. Turns out I can't have peppers - of any kind. Peppers are great for him. I can't have potatoes. We both can't have tomatoes (I love tomatoes and could eat them like apples). The flours we can have are different, too. There are small overlaps, but it basically comes down to this:

For the rest of our lives, we can eat fish cooked in olive oil seasoned with allspice, side of plain broccoli, with water and lemon.

Forget going out to eat anywhere. You think you can order a meal to fit into spice parameters? He can't have cinnamon. I can't have any milk product. Oh - and tofu is supposed to be the best thing I can eat - but it's the worst thing for him.

Hey - I can cook with soy milk, may even try soy flour - but I can't get my head around using tofu. I know millions and millions of Asians can't be wrong... but come on! YUCK!! I need to know - what's the point if you can't taste it. How can you use it as a meat substitute if you can't taste it? Meat has flavor - texture - it's satisfying. Tofu is... bean curd.

I need some advice. It's impossible to cut out every carb in your diet and still get vitamins and minerals from the food you eat. What do you guys do to eat and feel healthy? I could really use some advice.
posted by SPowers at 7:05 PM | Remember It!