(insert long, heavy, drawn-out sigh here)

How can I put this? I don't WANT to name names but neither do I WANT to read any more posts like this one. So, let's put things in perspective.

1. I don't read every piece of fanfic out there. What 'makes the cut'? Frankly, not much. I edit for a few of my friends, so when their stories post, I usually just skim the story to see if they kept any of the suggested changes or not. What do I read that I haven't edited? Until recently, that included Jenni's ASKOF... and one or two or a dozen stories NOT on Deb's Other Side site that I read because they were, by definition, short and I didn't have much time. Why don't I read everything? I don't have time to read every story, post or email comments, AND work 40 hours, write, cook, clean house, spend time with my husband, sleep, and do other creative & spiritually satisfying things....

Oh, forget it. You know what? You think I mean you? You think I'm talking to you? Why would I be? Are you a bad writer? I wouldn't know about your fiction, but your blog is enjoyable. If it concerned you that much, you could have just emailed me - as I suggested anyone might do. I meant my post(s) more as a way to encourage people who MIGHT be suffering from writer's block, people who have COMPLAINED about suffering from writer's block, people with whom I have DISCUSSED ways of curing/dealing with writer's block, but apparently I needed to be more clear or I'm just going to be accused of more heinous crimes. Fine. I mean Misty. Diann. Deb. People who haven't written in months and months and who I think could and should be writing some killer stuff. People with potential to write some kick-ass stuff. People whose stories I have read IN THE PAST and have enjoyed for one reason or another.

So. There it is. I didn't mean you. I haven't read any of your stories. Deal with it. You may be thinking my not reading your stories is personal, too. It isn't. I also haven't read anything in the last six+ months by ANYONE other than Deb, DQ or Jenni, other than the aforementioned people I didn't want to mention by name who ARE NOT anyone who has a blog to which I have linked!!

Jesus Christ!! This is insane!! I try to encourage someone to write and I end up getting smacked around for it! Hell, yes, I'm angry!

Now. As to HOW you chose to make your point. And miss, you picked the wrong night to do this. I am riding a wave of fury hormones that started at 5:30 pm and it is just now cresting.

You wrote: "So I suppose you must be referring to me, since I have been writing. Sorry it doesn't meet with your high standards. I was always under the impression that fanfic was supposed to be fun."

I've already covered the first line. Must we all repeat that axiom: don't assume; it makes an ass out of you & me ? And since I have NOT read anything you've written (as stated above) I have no idea if it meets ANY of my standards, high or not. Of course, you did not ask what my standards are.

Your impression about fanfic. Yeah - it is supposed to be fun. Fun for the writer and fun for the reader. Okay - a fun read is one of my standards. When you write - do you have fun? If yes - great. If no - stop writing.

Last - WHY are you so concerned about what I think? About anything? Who am I? Just another netizen like you, with another opinion like yours, of equal or lesser value.

So you're upset. I submit you made yourself that way. Whatever is in you that decided to leap to a conclusion so far out of the realm of possibility, a conclusion that indicated that your writing completely sucked egg whites through a garden hose, I think you should examine more closely.

The curious part of me wants to know why you would so quickly and eagerly jump to the worst possible conclusion about me.
posted by SPowers at 11:35 PM | Remember It!

I think I might be calmer now... anything's possible.
posted by SPowers at 7:12 PM | Remember It!

Sigh. "Know thyself" can bite you in the ass, I guess. Reading over my blog, I realize there's a whole helluva lot of things I know about myself. Is that obsessive? I prefer to think of it as 'enlightened' and 'self-aware' and lots of 'good' things like that. Besides, actively knowing these kinds of things about me makes me aware that there are all sorts of similarly disparate things about everyone that they're not always aware of. It makes for well-rounded characters, I think, when you realize that you have hidden talents & abilities & experiences and you can put them into fictional characters. I mean, a person may think they know themselves, but until you've tried to do an inventory of your life, you don't really know anything. How can a person who finds themself so boring write an interesting fictional character? Think about it. Writing comes from your head and your heart. If there's nothing going on in either place, what are you using to write with? It's self-expression. You gotta know what you want to say about your characters or you're going to end up saying some rather unflattering things about yourself instead.

As for surprises and stuff... heh heh heh. Well, Deb... I may not have known the guy was so much younger, but I do remember you saying something else about that incident. heh heh heh heh heh...
posted by SPowers at 3:34 PM | Remember It!

Good girl, Misty! Since I can't be there in person to scold you, you're scolding yourself. As for the rest of you! Fear not. I only mean those of you who haven't been writing NEED to write - because there's just too much bad fanfic out there and not enough of the good stuff!

I, too, remembered some things I should've/could've put in...

DYK: I have never successfully changed my own tire? I know how - the blasted lug nuts are usually too tight! And I hate - utterly despise - taking my car to the shop for any reason? Or even hanging out there with Sweet Husband?

DYK: My first car, a Toyota, 'Baby', once ran for at least a year without oil? True story. We took the car in to have the oil changed and when the guy undid the cap, dust fell out.

DYK: The hormonal changes the first day of my period are so bad I once almost collapsed at Epcot? I was in the line for the Norway ride at the time. The ride attendants were very nice and after I felt better, they ushered me to the front of the line. This was where Sweet Husband earned his 'Sweet' title.

DYK: Sweet Husband proposed to me in Baby's front seat? I refused to drive him to the beach and just wanted to go home to bed. I was tired! It was late!

DYK: My first job was selling tickets at a movie theater?

DYK: My 134 IQ means DQ is comparatively more gifted than I am? (Yet I can mop floors and I don't have kids - proving IQ tests tell you nothing of value.)

DYK: Sure, I'm an alto, and I play piano and recorder (any monkey can play recorder), but I can't draw, paint or produce any visual art at all?

DYK: I'm the least attractive, least likeable member of my immediate family, yet I'm the only one who's still on (her) first marriage?

DYK: I'm married to a musical genius? Okay. Maybe you did know that.

DYK: I'm skilled at accents & funny voices? Course, I can't do one here. Give me a call and I'll entertain you!

DYK: I'm prone to motion sickness?
posted by SPowers at 12:26 PM | Remember It!

No. I did not know that. About the tattoo. You could have shown us in September, you know! (scold! scold!)

Let's see... any 'did you knows' about me?

DYK: I have deep intellectual conversations with my stuffed animals? And I have well over 25 of them. I don't buy them - I rescue them. I find them on the sides of the road (Spot), in a parking lot at 9:30 pm in the rain (Brown Bear), in a crowded department store (Blue Puppy), ravaged by a cat in a friend's house (Charlie)... the list goes on. Course, now people are giving them to me. I still haven't bought one since high school.

DYK: I once read The Lord of the Rings in 4 days when I was 11? Still adore that book. Eowyn kicks ass - and Faramir's a total babe. Always liked him better than Aragorn. Not sure why. Of course, Legolas always - but ALWAYS - seemed too cute for words. (Hey - he was a Prince, you know!) And the movie comes out in December! The movie comes out in December!!

DYK: I graduated cum laude from college in 4 straight years? That I went on an academic scholarship and paid a total of $3000 for all four years? (Okay... maybe I'm bragging. But I bet you didn't know it!)

DYK: I taught myself how to read (at 2), play a musical instrument (at 5 - it was a recorder), read sheet music (at 5 - it's how I learned to play the recorder), play piano (at 12), ice skate (also at 12) and cross stitch (at 18). Okay, maybe cross-stitching's a piece of cake, but I can do it!

DYK: I cannot waterski, will not swim in a lake unless desperate (hate muddy bottoms - give me the sandy floor of an ocean or the concrete of a swimming pool), hate driving at night, and cannot seem to make brownies from scratch. Yes, I count this as a failure on my part. Also, I am extremely, violently, it's-not-even-funny, phobic of fungus. You know - mold. Mushrooms. Things that throw off spores. Yuck!

DYK: to compensate for my inability to clean the refrigerator when mold grows on leftovers, I am in charge of getting rid of bugs/insects/cockroaches in the house? Sweet Husband takes care of the mold and I am extremely grateful!! I am not joking!!!

DYK: I honeymooned at Disney World? (Why not? It's the Happiest Place on Earth!)
posted by SPowers at 7:46 PM | Remember It!

Heh. Sorry, girl - but you ain't the one I'm talking about. Unless you mean as someone who ISN'T writing who probably should.
posted by SPowers at 7:26 PM | Remember It!

Hm. Guess I'm on the old server. Home sweet home.

Logged on to say 'there's nothing quite like reading really crappy fanfic to underscore your own writing talent.'

So - all y'all people who're having a tough time writing lately.... email me and I'll give you a few choice fanfics to check out. They'll not only improve your mood by giving you giggles-giggles-giggles, they will amply demonstrate that there is NO way you could do worse yourself. God... you owe it to the rest of us to produce something decent!

And if you're wondering if I'm talking about you, well - I am!! You're blogging. You could be fanficking! (of course, that looks & sounds slightly pornographic - which is even better!)

Ugh. Must begin my daily perusal of the Wall Street Journal. Catch y'all later.
posted by SPowers at 9:35 AM | Remember It!

Hmm... why do I blog? What makes me read a blog?

I blog because Deb makes me. Simple as that. She browbeat me, threatened me, humiliated me, tortured me for days in a deep pit she had dug in the back yard until I agreed to blog. What was even worse - she threatened to allow Katie to talk to me on the phone.

AURCK!

I hate talking to kids on the phone. What the hell are you supposed to talk to them about? Pokemon? Powderpuff Girls? Hey - I'm all for discussing the wonderful traits of various superheroes, but I would bet you twenty pounds of chocolate that there ain't one little six-year-old girl out there who lusts for the Batman quite the same way I do.

...to the Batcave, baby... and hurry!

Whose blogs do I read? Generally, whoever's I have time for. I try to hit all the Trixie people at least once every 2 days. If I remember to post anything specifically in support of something, it's a fluke. I tend to click all the interesting links - but again, that depends on what else I've got going on that day.

Does that answer your question?

:-)

posted by SPowers at 1:54 PM | Remember It!

Let's see... Monday night... watched Boston Public. Giggled my ass off. Had chicken soup (Campbells) for dinner, hot cocoa and toast for later and am all wrapped up in my Pooh Bear jammies growing sleepy. Actually did some dishes tonight! (cheer) Course, I didn't go grocery shopping, nor did we return the one PC game I bought Sweet Husband that turned out to not have the game disk inside. Uh.. oops!

Will tonight be the night for handcuffs? Nope. I'm too tired to wrestle. He's too tired to wrestle. This is another reason it sux to get sick at the same time as your caretaker! Both of you are too tired to be the one on top! Grrr!

Oh, right.. I owe someone an email about tulips. I should go do that.

G'night!!
posted by SPowers at 10:36 PM | Remember It!

Hmmm... I did post something between now and then, but it disappeared. I wish I could remember what I said.

I got sick this past week & weekend. Went home early on Friday (at 9:30 am) and staying in jammies until this morning. I'm now at work.... a little sweaty from leftover fever and a little stuffy. Actually, my nose and eyes are 'moist.' Good thing is I haven't yet gotten my period. This is happy news. Maybe I'll skip this month! That would be almost too good, considering for one thing and another, I have yet to actually try out the handcuffs! They're still hanging on the bed rails, however.

Deb... don't know what to tell you about Jeff, but I think Misty has the right advice for you. A word about hormones... men don't understand and I don't think they can. Their hormones cycle every 15 minutes (I read that stat somewhere... can't think where) while women's cycle every 28 (+ or -) days.. and they say WE'RE moody. Honestly, I think if you're self-aware enough to feel whatever hormonal wave is coming next and you can plan & position yourself right, you can make the hormones work for you. Complain about a bill when you're raging (you won't accept a flimsy excuse from the 'helpful' service rep). Schedule all the tough concentrative work for when the creative juices pound your veins and you feel you can do anything. It works for me, anyway. Sometimes, the only thing that gets me through the 24-36 hour cramp-athon is the sure knowledge that, when the last pad gets tossed in the trash, I'll experience a wave of euphoria known only to myself and every heroin addict on the planet.

Oh - and just call me 'Typhoid Mary.' I come back from the in-laws, Sweet Husband comes down with flu, I fight it off until the weekend... and now my bosses BOTH are sick. Erin called in today (she's been sick all weekend) and Mike's still battling the monster headaches that alternate with the fever-flu stuff. He just told me he ran out of tissues in his office... he'll be by in a bit to get my open box. Thankfully, I brought a new box today.

The worry is that Mike will infect his crew. That would be HORRIBLE! He drives down to Key West on Friday, taking New Wave with him, to the Grand Prix International Sailboat Yachting Race Week. (It's a very big deal.) He'll be racing against America's Cup-level sailors... huge competition... but Mike is not one to be underestimated. In his office are only a few of his trophies (why do yachting events always give out platters or crystal statuettes as prizes?) as well as some pix of his previous boats. I only hope this time the mast doesn't break...

Damn, but I love sailboats. I don't think he'll take me out on one, though... they aren't pleasure boats. You have to know what you're doing. Does memorizing passages from Cobbett's Island count?
posted by SPowers at 10:01 AM | Remember It!