Saturday... oh, boy.

Got going late - about mid afternoon. Had an argument with Chris about taking my car into get its oil changed. I don't see why he, as the token male in this relationship, can't do the guy things. I mean, WHY do I have to go along - just so some cheeky brat kid can laugh at me for the dirt in my air filter? I don't think so!

So we went to the new Costco in Brandon. They're giving away a year's membership to everyone. Whoopee. We waited in line 20 minutes with the dregs of humanity (and one I swear had to be gay couple because MAN was my gaydar going off!) and the great unwashed - each of whom had a cell phone and each of whom - I swear - was having the exact same conversation. Yeah, we're at Costco now, waiting in line to do our membership... So... to the person on the other end, this was worth placing the call? To talk to someone waiting in line at Costco? What a pathetic life you lead.

Of course, that's what I was doing. But I was NOT on a cell phone announcing it to the world!

So we get to the front of the line. We hand over our IDs and our application. The guy starts typing typing typing and then... (you are paying attention to this, right? this is the first kicker of the day)... he asks me. This minimum wage clerk asks me... "You know your Driver's License number is wrong?"

"Excuse me? How can it be wrong?"

"You put your last name as 'Powers.'"

"Yeah?"

"Well, your driver's license number starts with an 'H.'"

"So?"

"It's supposed to be the same as your last name. It should be a 'P'."

"Hays was my maiden name."

"They should have changed it when you changed your name."

Again. "So?" I mean - I really don't see the point. What the FUCK does HE care what my name is or is not? Just type the god damned name into the computer. This is NOT difficult. This is NOT brain surgery. This is COSTCO! I hardly doubt some secret government agency is going to check Costco's records, find that my Driver's License number doesn't exactly match my 'actual' last name and send in the military. That hardly seems feasible.

Anyway, this punctilious idiot proceeds to quiz me about my last name. "Is it Powers? Or Hays?"

"It's Hays-Powers, with a dash, if you like. Most people go by 'Powers.' I really don't care and it really doesn't matter." Is this guy really going to get into a discussion on what I am allowed to call myself and what I am not allowed? Is he really going to tell me that I can't simply be "Hays Powers" without a dash? That my last name MUST be one word? Says who? I can call myself anything I want - as long as I am not hiding from my creditors (and I am not), then it doesn't matter WHAT my last name is. Hays. Powers. Hays-Powers. Powers-Hays. Fuckface.

So he says, as if I've caused him great trouble and made him actually think for a moment, "I'll just put both names down."

"Fine. Whatever you want."

So my card comes out "Shana Hays Powers." woo-hoo.

Then the power goes out. ALL the power. To the entire store. They shut the entrance and proceed to usher out all 1500 people who were inside shopping. (It's a huge discount warehouse.) We wait. Emergency power goes for 30 minutes so they can still ring up sales and get people safely outside. After 20 minutes, they start passing out cookies.

Chris & I are at the entrance, hoping the electricians we saw go in will solve the problem quickly. Meanwhile, some of the things we overheard:

"But I have to get shrimp platters for a party tonight! I don't have time to wait for this!"

"But those lights are on!" (They were emergency lights.)

"But I just need one thing."

"We're at Costco and they won't let us in. I don't know. Something about the power."

"Is it a landline or a blown fuse?" (Or something technical like that, asked of a Costco cookie-offerer by a bystander. I don't really know what he asked, just that it was specific to the power outage. Was he going to volunteer his services or his advice?)

"Why don't you know when it'll be back on?"

"I'm not standing in that line" (the line for memberships) "just to get into this one" (the line waiting to reenter the store) "no discount store's worth that."

*sigh*

Another twenty minutes later, they announce that it'll likely be another hour before power is restored. Chris & I go to Macaroni Grill for dinner. I had the cheese ravioli, he had the lemon chicken & pasta. We split the bread, the Italian quesadillas and the turtle cheesecake. We go back to Costco.

After an hour wandering the store, we finally decide to get a flat of chocolate cupcakes (a dozen for $5) and kitchen trash bags (we're all out). We ignored the 'pineapple moon batik print dress' and the gallon jug of cooking oil. I don't cook that often with oil. Oh - and the four pound tin of shortbread, but that was harder to ignore. I adore Scottish shortbread. Whether it's the cute tartan design, the old-fashioned Bonnie Prince Charlie-style portraits or the fact that it was my main source of comfort food while touring Scotland in 1986, it was hard to ignore. But I managed.

We drove home, hoping to use Route 60 to take us through downtown Tampa - a nice change of pace from the usual Interstate drive. I turn on the radio. There's a station broadcasting only Christmas music on the weekends. First song I hear?

Feliz Navidad

I lived in Miami most of my life. I detest Feliz Navidad. So Chris took pity and switched the station.

As we drove Route 60, I counted, without half trying, four different strip clubs. Of course, the topless ones were 'full liquor' while the 'totally nude' clubs didn't say they were basically juice bars. *snicker*

Then we hit a roadblock and had to turn around. No detour - just the road closed. We ended up taking the Interstate anyway.

I am home now and find that my Texas friends had a good visit (cheer!) and that the Internet was down (my connection, anyway). So I gave in and started to play Diablo with Chris, but we both had PC problems. So I wrote some of a story that I really don't have a middle for. Unfortunately, I'm in the middle now. I know how it starts. I know how it ends. I do not know how to get there from here. Grrr.

Soul Mate - of COURSE you witnessed something supernatural. The only way you wouldn't have is if it wasn't there. I fully believe that. I am NOT surprised you were successful on your inaugural ghost hunt. Shy Friend - have a terrific time in Atlanta. Moms - talk to you ASAP. :-)
posted by SPowers at 10:33 PM | Remember It!

Misty!! 16 months w/o a period? Sounds like heaven to me. I hate mine and would do almost anything to not have one ever again. I could, I suppose, just rip everything out, but then I'd have all that abnormal hormonal stuff to deal with and no thank you to that!

I don't mean to sound as if I'm criticizing anyone's decision to have kids. I completely understand that bit about how easy it is for some to get pregnant while you're struggling just to have a legit reason to take a preg test. My ex-sister-in-law.... I'll call her "The Fertile Fiend".... has had a particularly interesting reproductive history. She & my brother "accidentally" got pregnant, got engaged and she had an abortion (mutual decision). Then, after a year or so of marriage, she starts having brief affairs. They separate. She starts dating some other guy and gets pregnant. Has an abortion - but also has complications. She calls my brother to bring her to the ER (apparently, the ex-father wasn't too reliable or something). They get back together and get pregnant. This becomes my niece.

After another year or so during which all sorts of crazy-horrible things happen, they break up. She starts dating around some more and they share custody, with the Fertile Fiend more in charge of my niece's welfare. During this time, FF gets pregnant AGAIN. She gives this one up for adoption (and tells my niece the baby died). Turns out it's an 'open' adoption and FF gets regular updates on how this kid is doing. Which I guess is nice.

Anyway - FF then finds a few men who are willing to move with her from North Carolina to Florida and back on a whim. She ends up again in Florida (where my brother lives), gets pregnant and marries that guy. She has twins (a boy & a girl). She has several affairs (so does he) and fights (long story involving my niece, I'll save for another time) but ends up pregnant again. She keeps this one, too.

All this while, there are women like Moms who have historically had all kinds of trouble concieving. Women like my other sister-in-law (who is diabetic) who have to work hard to be healthy enough to even consider pregnancy. Women like me who apparently are one half of an infertile couple (but unlike me desperately want kids). All these women suffer from one heartbreak after another while women like FF go off, get pregnant at the drop of an inhibition, and could easily populate a small town with the results.

I just don't understand - unless, like I said before, it's Nature's way of controlling the population. I don't know - maybe it's just an inherent bias in me against medical intervention in an otherwise healthy system that's helping me keep from haunting a fertility clinic myself. There is a part of me that won't even consider LASIK surgery to correct my eyesight or liposuction to make me thin. This is the body/life I chose. There's something here I'm supposed to be learning about.

Hm. Going along with that, maybe there's something you're supposed to be learning about, Misty. Maybe - and stay with me on this - maybe you chose this life because of these fertility problems, and the resolution of them, for good or not so apparently good, is what you're in this life to determine. That is, maybe you chose this life so you could be challenged by this apparent infertility. Maybe you're here to determine the lengths you will go to to have a child, or the limit of your endurance? To test your soul to find out how far you'd go to be someone's mother.

And if you are unsuccessful, maybe that crushing disappointment will spur you into another area of your life, another level or stage of understanding or self-awareness. If you are successful, you will almost certainly make the most of the experience, make it as enriching for you, your husband and your child as possible - and that will be wonderful as well.

Of course, I'm just hypothesizing here. For me, kids aren't all they're cracked up to be. I don't want them, I don't want them in my house, I don't want them near me in a restaurant. I don't relate to them, I don't think they're cute (for the most part) and I hate listening to them try to tell a joke. I'm certain this perception of kids colors my view of people who want them. I mean, there's a strong part of me that wants to just scream "ARE YOU CRAZY? YOUR LIFE IS PERFECT RIGHT NOW! WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SCREW IT UP WITH KIDS?"

But I won't. I understand that there are some people who get much pleasure and enjoyment out of having them. Even if they are around all the time (as Chris said to me once after spending a few hours with a friend of his from work & his wife & kids. He went on to say they don't go away. It was so strange!)

So I guess I married the right guy.

As you can see, I've spent a great deal of time thinking about this and not just this week, but for now - this is more than I should have said.
posted by SPowers at 12:02 PM | Remember It!

Look at her! She's BLOGGING!!! Woo-hooo!! Way to go, Soul Mate! And already your blog reads way cooler than mine. *sigh*

Gosh... just caught up with all y'all's chattering. Where do I start?

Misty - what is it with ovarian cysts?? I get them, too. In fact, I had to have an operation when I was 19 to have one removed. It just wouldn't pop or shrink or go away no matter what. The cyst (only the size of a Key lime) was removed, the Fallopian Tube, and about 20% of the ovary itself. So now, I've only got the one side working. The right one, that is. The Doc said my ovaries looked "pockmarked." Nice.

It occurs to me that, since my only symptoms were a missed period and I'd always had plenty of those (my mom took me to the doctor because she felt my periods should start coming more regularly than they had, which they had never done. I once went an entire summer vacation without a period. I think I was 15?) - anyway, it makes me wonder IF I'd ever have gotten an inkling something was wrong or if I'd be one of those freaks of nature you see on FOX getting a 300 lb cyst removed, said cyst complete with teeth, hair and nails. Hmmm..... yucky!

Thankfully, I never had any pain, but I did have a horrible reaction to the birth control pills the Doc thought might help shrink the cyst. I have never been so suicidal in my life, nor so easily & frustratingly distracted. Hated it.

Since I've been married, though and interestingly enough, Sweet Husband and I haven't used any birth control method. I've been married 7½ years now... and not a single notion that I might be pregnant. My periods are irregularly regular and I've never once had a 'scare' of any kind. The only time I took a home test was because I had skipped a month and Sweet Husband and 'Moms' were sure I was probably pregnant. HA HA! Not me!

Oh, yes... and who told me that the home test would prove to be inaccurate and I should definitely go get a blood test because I was probably pregnant? That would be the chíca fixated on motherhood, who hated and feared mothers above all other people on the planet - because she most wanted to be one. Why? Probably because she figured that mothers were, by default, 'saintly' and above reproach. Probably because she wants someone completely beholden to her for everything. Too bad she got a hysterectomy.

I have no sympathy for her anymore. Cold hearted? Not at all. I was fully prepared to give her whatever emotional support she needed - but she needlessly & ruthlessly trashed me.

However - for the rest of you who are aching & yearning for kids of your own.... I do empathize. I have felt that tremendous yearning, that certain sense that everything would be perfect if you could only be pregnant, walk into a baby supply store and purchase an adorable receiving blanket or tiny, childsafe, stuffed animal, or cuddle with a small warm body and read a bedtime story or sing a lullabye. I remember the moment I actually sobbed because I realized I would never bear children. I had been having an emotional crisis for over a week about my childlessness. I had long talks with Chris (who's quite philosophical about it, saying 'if God wants us to have kids, we will' and let's just leave it up to Him), but it wasn't really helping me. See, on the one hand, infertility treatments & clinics all seem really really really misogynistic. (The problem is with the female - let's fix her however we can and to hell with what we're actually doing to her life or her body.) On the other, what if all this rampant infertility is simply Nature's way of dealing with human overpopulation? Who am I to interfere with the natural order of things? (It's an ongoing, internal debate.)

Anyway - I was having a conversation with some people (okay - it was in a chat room) and someone burst out with the news that she was unexpectedly pregnant. Everyone was thrilled & full of congrats. I could barely manage to congrat her myself. A few minutes later, after not being able to do much else, I logged off and cried. That helped. I felt better after and haven't felt that bad since.

Of course, as a woman goes through her 30s, the bio clock starts ticking louder and louder. I just hope that I keep in mind the liberty & privilege I enjoy being child-free. I don't have to do without so my kids can get luxuries. I don't have to drive a minivan or manage my kids' schedules better than my own. I don't have to arrange baby-sitters if I want to stay out all day or go to Ybor City at 11 p.m. on a Saturday night. I can eat junk food for dinner. I can watch whatever TV I want to when I want to - no needlessly repetitive Disney movies for me!

Enough of that. I have things I must do. I'm packaging up a Christmas gift that I need to mail. After this, I have some cross-stitching to do. Blog y'all later!
posted by SPowers at 10:25 AM | Remember It!

And about linking... hey - link away! That's what a blog is for, after all. Right? And since there ain't nothing much that's truly 'private' on the web, putting up police tape around my site isn't going to deter anyone. (But if you want to let me know what you've done, I'm not going to stop you.)

More about Sara and her site. Check out all her links, her other pages, her interests & hobbies. Sara's a cool chick into a lot of neat stuff. PLUS she's a huge fan of a lot of the same things as me and she loves dissecting popular culture. She's great. Funny, talented, self-confident without needing to be in control or dominate every conversation OR put someone down, intelligent... this is a chick who got her BA in Economics, of all things. ECONOMICS. YUCK! But she went back to get her BA in English, and is about to get her Master's and will definitely be getting her Ph.D., if she can only decide on which aspect of literature most intrigues her.

Sara lives alone and loves it. Dates a lot and loves that, too. She has cats, birds and once had a ferret (but he ran away). Oh yes, she also used to compete (on an adult, amateur level) in ice skating & horses (things like dressage & show jumping & stuff, as a young teenager); has taken Irish step dancing classes, swing dancing lessons and, last I checked, was looking into ballroom dance as well (but I think the cost proved to be prohibitive). She's nurturing, kind & tender-hearted, which probably explains her myriad & sundry ex-boyfriends. She can find the good in anyone, see?

When you meet Sara, be sure to ask her about some of her exes. The one who enforced her dental hygiene. The one who told her she had too many cats (I think she has 3). The one who preferred cyber-sex to actual F2F communication. The one who liked to climb the cages at the Empire. There are more. Not all of them have made it into my fanfic, either. (evil grin)

I like Sara a lot. We can go for months without speaking to each other beyond an occasional forwarded email (usually of the political commentary variety), yet when we DO see each other, it's like we never stopped talking. We pick up on each other's sentences & thoughts w/o skipping a beat. It's wonderful.

Isn't it a shame that there are people who maintain that friendships must either be all or nothing? That some people, when given the example of Sara & me, would say that there is no way we could possibly be friends - because we do not talk or communicate for hours every day? That's just wrong & sad. The wonderful thing about friendship is that one size fits all and no two are the same. I have friends of all stripes & circumstance. I have friends I have never physically spoken to and may never see in person (they live in Australia & Canada), friends I may only see once a year if I'm lucky (my Trixie friends), friends I exchange messages with infrequently, friends I don't think about until they call and then I think Perfect timing - how did she know? and friends who, if I don't hear from them daily, I go through withdrawal.

It's like there are layers to my life and everyone I know moves in and out of these layers at different speeds, at random and at will. I can't keep everyone close to me and I don't want to push anyone away, but neither do I think any of this is intentional on anyone's fault. The reason it happens at all? Who knows. It's just whimsy fate at work. Circumstance beyond our control. Unfortunate.

So y'all who may be expecting, hoping, anticipating or giving up on an email from me - I'm sorry. Will you take this blog instead?
posted by SPowers at 4:06 PM | Remember It!

CHRIS!! Love love LOVE your choice of graphics! Damn, but do they speak to my Irish soul or WHAT!! I'm so jealous right now. (pout)

I caught up on your life so far... ouch! A kidney stone? My mom had one AND a gall stone problem, too. I was little, so my main memory of those days is mom in a lot of pain. I think I watched cartoons while the neighbor took my mom to the emergency room cause my dad was out of town on business. I don't want to think about having that kind of pain myself. I mean, I suffer from horrible cramps, but that's not quite the same thing, I hear.

LOL that you'll be married before you finish planning for it. Trust me - things have a way of straightening themselves out. Don't be afraid to delegate authority and do NOT forget that the idea of a wedding is to get married & enjoy yourself. Since it's possible to get married inside of 30 seconds (I've seen it done!) and anywhere conceivable, and all people really remember or care about is the reception, don't stress out over things that will only be noticeable to you. And remember - wedding photographs can be touched up. (Ahh.. the miracles of modern technology!!)

I should probably just email you, but my life's been absolutely not my own for the past 3 weeks. At night at home, I don't even turn on the PC unless I am told to by Soul Mate because she needs to send me a preview of her latest. (I'm still rolling from one particular line. "I have to tape something over at Donna's." Trust me. In context, it's funny. Laugh.
posted by SPowers at 3:43 PM | Remember It!

While checking out some links I don't usually check out on a daily basis (wow, Sara, you can make an online wish list at Amazon? Cool!) I found this great article on beauty tips. Check it out!
posted by SPowers at 9:53 AM | Remember It!

And did anyone else think that last night's X-Files was a neat retelling of the same-old ghost story? I think that dark-haired kid actor might actually have some promise - he was much less annoying than I feared he might be, considering he once played on "Port Charles." Of course, I wonder now if Doggett was the parent of an abducted child or an abductee himself. I wish they had said. It might have made him a touch more human, more real to me. I imagine that Gillian Anderson's going to get tired of being the 'Mulder' in this partnership. How many times did she get huffy listening to Mulder's wild theories? And now that she's on board with the plan to uncover the conspiracy, she gets to teach someone else the alien ropes. If it were me, I'd much rather be moving forward with my investigations than having to explain countless times to someone who practically openly suggests I need medication (or at least, a longer stay in my usual room at the hospital).

Just a thought.
posted by SPowers at 2:32 PM | Remember It!

Ugh. I have an awful taste in my mouth. Unfortunately, I can't spit worth shit to get rid of it! What happened, you may ask? I did something I should know better than to do. I read fanfic by a bad author.

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!!!!! When will this guy GET IT? You can't start a narrative with five pages of backstory! If the chick has led a charmed life, SHOW ME!! Don't TELL ME she's wonderful. "In media res" is more than a catchy Latin phrase - it's one of the BEST ways to start a story. It means "in the middle of things." What's the opening scene of most crime stories? The crime. NOT the years before the detective decided to walk down a particular street and happen to notice a 'curious thing.' How did all those Sam Spade stories begin? "Some dame walked into my office..." NOT (as David Copperfield begins his story) "I was born."

Someone. Do this guy a favor and get him a book on writing. ANY book on writing! My suggestion would be "The 38 Most Common Mistakes Fiction Writers Make - and How to Correct Them." Hell. Get him any Jack Bickham book on writing. That man knew his stuff and how to make it seem simple to do.

Why do I torture myself by reading any of this idiot's tripe? Why do I believe the ignorant readers who gush & sigh over his patently self-serving and ultimately illogical stories? One said she liked a particular part of his latest. I became curious. Is it because I have little else to do right now? Is it because I needed something to read while I ate my lunch?

Probably.

Of course, I did promise once not to ever talk about that guy again. I usually remember to keep my promises, but apparently, not always. Oh well.
posted by SPowers at 1:23 PM | Remember It!